Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. My family migrated to Singapore when I was only 1 month old. Why? To try look for survival opportunities. My parents struggled while me and my siblings grew up. I did not have the luxury to have the whole set of Polly Pocket. I did not have the luxury of having the prettiest barbie doll.
Since young, my family upbringing was, "money doesn't come easy". My family situation deteriorated year after year. Life was getting hard to get by. My mum had a full-time job and another part-time job. While my dad was working hard. My siblings and I grew up and understand whats happening even more. We studied hard to avoid disappointment. Inevitably, we went through the rebellious stage but thank goodness, it didn't last long. In fact, it wasn't as rebellious as what you would think.
My O level ended on the 22nd November 2004. I started working on the 23rd November 2004. Many people said, "Should spend a few months enjoy first mah! Wait till no money then start working lor!" I can't afford to do that. And the moment I know I got the job, I knew it means being self-sufficient and no more money from parents.
Then, my parents went through a super rough divorce. I was devastated. I couldn't move on. I wanted to disappear.
I wanted to die. Instead, I continued to work and study so hard, that I kept falling sick, being a mild flu or high fever.
True enough, right till this day, I have not taken any money from my mum. The only thing that she supported me financially was my school fees but it was only a partial of it. I paid my school fees through my very own CPF. It was when the school realised that they couldn't deduct anymore money from my CPF, then my mum had to pay.
I am not sure what happened was a blessing in disguise but through all the work, school, ups and downs, my relationship with my mum and my friends are closer. And yet at the same time, I regretted for putting too much time in work that I allowed my grades to slip. I could have done better. I wasn't born smart. I need time and effort to do well. I know that, but I did not manage to fulfill that. Now, I regret.
This isn't to gain sympathy but are the things that had been swirling in my head. You may say, it is the past, let it go. As cliche as it sounds, easier said than done. The emotional turbulence I went through for the past 4 years was too much to take. Or maybe, I was just weak. But the unseen scars remain there. Till now, there is still throbbing pain.
I am glad that all these while, there had been sincere friends who lent me a helping hand. Best friend, who saw me in my most devastated state and many others.
On the other hand, there are also people who are very unhappy with me and decides to throw daggers at me. I don't really care much seriously. Because true friends know who I really am. True friends do not doubt me. And I always strongly believe, karma exist. What goes around comes around and what goes up must definitely come down. People around you have eyes to see and judge who's the one with two-faced mask.
I am fine in the position I am standing now. I am also glad that I am still standing up tall and strong!
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Ah! On a happier note, having not worked for 3 weeks, I went back to Parkway for a 1/2 Morning shift today! So nice to work with Is baby! And very obviously that someone is EXTREMELY unhappy about it. Why? HAH! Go figure!
Labels: Rants
express yourself {11:19 PM}
